How Am I Just Finding Real Friends?

Coming to college with a long-distance relationship has been hard. I know it's not common for such relationships to last, but mine has, and I plan on it being a part of me for a long time.

I had heard a million times what a "bad idea" relationships are, but, in true Kelsey Fashion, I ignored all the warnings and went my happy way with Andrew in Buffalo and myself in the Bronx. Of course it was hard, but it was something both of us wanted and we were (and still are) willing to work at it.

What was really hard the first few years was reconciling my relationship with my (at the time) friends' desires to go out and go to bars and be wild. I didn't want that, but I also had a hard time articulating that I didn't want it. So I went along with it until it caused problems so large that I had to reconsider friendships and relationships.

Fast forward to this year. I still don't want to be wild. Of course I want to enjoy my senior year, but that doesn't mean I suddenly feel comfortable going out on weeknights or going to crowded bars. So when I expressed my feelings to my current roommate, I felt terrible for essentially blowing her off and expected her to be upset with me. However, she reacted in such an understanding way it totally overwhelmed me.

And then I realized, this is how friends are supposed to act. No one should make anyone else feel bad that they don't want to go out on certain nights or do want to go out others. I'm so grateful to have friends like this now, and so excited for the times we will have. It's also upsetting to think that I thought it was normal for people to disregard me and my feelings so much. I'm sad it took me so long and ruined some parts of my experience, but I'm also so glad that I figured it out at all.

The quote, "We accept the love we think we deserve" really speaks here. I loved The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and so much of it made sense. This too, made me think. Did I think that it was okay for people to just disregard me and walk all over me? It's not what I wanted, but I definitely must have thought I deserved it. But after a lot of trouble and thinking about what I want, I started valuing myself more, and then the good friends started coming.