Impossible Shoe Deals at Target

Occasionally, I'll browse the Target site looking for good deals on cute shoes. However, this time I was super shocked to find so many pairs of Target shoes that looked just like some of my favorite brands.



I'm dying for a pair of J. Crew Etta pumps, but the price tag has always been a little steep for me, especially because a lot of my heels end up ruined anyway. But these Target pumps are an almost exact match, with a much friendlier price tag.

And those Rag & Bone booties. The quality might not be the same, but the booties from Target have the same look and would be absolutely perfect for fall.

And the rain skimmers. You know when it's still summer and it's way too hot for rain boots but you don't want your feet to get all gross and wet? Skimmers. And these Target ones are just as cute at a fraction of the price of Chooka's.

I know where I'll be going when I go home in a few weeks. If I can keep myself from ordering those pumps before then.

I'm An Adult?

Everyone always says how great your twenties are and how college is the best time of your life, but as someone who is (almost) 21, it's just confusing.

There are times when I'll do something so adult and responsible, like take care of my electric bill or take out a loan. Other times I still feel like a child and as if I still need my mom's guidance. The other night I texted her and asked if I could buy myself a ticket home so I could say goodbye to Andrew before he moves. She laughed as she responded, saying of course  I can come home. I still live there of course. And it's my own money, so it's not like I'm even asking them for anything.

It's just weird to think that after twenty one years of depending on my parents, it's almost time for me to cut the cord completely. Of course, I am confident that I will be able to find a job and be an adult, it's just scary to think that someone as young and internally confused as myself is allowed out in the world of grown ups.

I can barely drive a car for crying out loud.

Of course, being young is an amazing thing that I'm trying to enjoy as much as possible. Having no one to look after except myself (which is, sometimes, an enormous task), being able to bounce back after only getting a little sleep, being able to travel and move around and try new things as much as I want. Those are all amazing things. It just seems so weird that I don't need my mom's guidance or my dad's permission before I do these things.

I'm just waiting for the day when I wake up and feel like a grown up.

How Am I Just Finding Real Friends?

Coming to college with a long-distance relationship has been hard. I know it's not common for such relationships to last, but mine has, and I plan on it being a part of me for a long time.

I had heard a million times what a "bad idea" relationships are, but, in true Kelsey Fashion, I ignored all the warnings and went my happy way with Andrew in Buffalo and myself in the Bronx. Of course it was hard, but it was something both of us wanted and we were (and still are) willing to work at it.

What was really hard the first few years was reconciling my relationship with my (at the time) friends' desires to go out and go to bars and be wild. I didn't want that, but I also had a hard time articulating that I didn't want it. So I went along with it until it caused problems so large that I had to reconsider friendships and relationships.

Fast forward to this year. I still don't want to be wild. Of course I want to enjoy my senior year, but that doesn't mean I suddenly feel comfortable going out on weeknights or going to crowded bars. So when I expressed my feelings to my current roommate, I felt terrible for essentially blowing her off and expected her to be upset with me. However, she reacted in such an understanding way it totally overwhelmed me.

And then I realized, this is how friends are supposed to act. No one should make anyone else feel bad that they don't want to go out on certain nights or do want to go out others. I'm so grateful to have friends like this now, and so excited for the times we will have. It's also upsetting to think that I thought it was normal for people to disregard me and my feelings so much. I'm sad it took me so long and ruined some parts of my experience, but I'm also so glad that I figured it out at all.

The quote, "We accept the love we think we deserve" really speaks here. I loved The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and so much of it made sense. This too, made me think. Did I think that it was okay for people to just disregard me and walk all over me? It's not what I wanted, but I definitely must have thought I deserved it. But after a lot of trouble and thinking about what I want, I started valuing myself more, and then the good friends started coming.

A Stroke of Luck

All summer, I was super stressed about my internship situation for this semester. At the end of last spring, I determined that I wanted a paid internship this fall. Also, after a series of emotional breakdowns regarding my future, I decided to not only pursue editorial positions, but public relations ones as well.

I worked hard, constantly applying to paid internships. While it was always relatively easy to get hired as an unpaid intern, paid internship positions are far more competitive, mostly because so few companies are willing to pay interns at this point. By the end of my search, I had applied to around thirty positions.

It was frustrating. I would get requests for interviews and not hear back from the reps for days. I would have interviews and not hear anything back for weeks. I was very stressed and very discouraged. But I continued to try my best, be honest, and I continued to apply places. My parents were proud of my persistence, and continually assured my that my determination would work out for me in the end.

I was even offered an unpaid position with a company I would have really loved to work with, which I kept as a last-resort type option, but because I set my sights on a paid internship, I couldn’t settle just yet.

Just as I was running out of motivation and hope, I heard back from a company I had completely forgotten about asked me for an interview. And as I talked to the team, I found myself being completely honest with them and laughing along with them as we spoke. And in the car on my way to school, they contacted me asking me to stay on the team for the fall.

And the funny thing is is that it’s a publicity internship— something I have no experience with, but lots of interest in. I’m so excited to start and to meet everyone and work the amazing events. I’m excited to not have to constantly count my pennies and to be able to save up for next year.

I’m going to be busy, there’s no doubt about that, but I can’t wait to see what this semester holds. I’m so lucky nothing before this worked out and I’m so happy that this did work out.

Back To School Playlist

I'm headed back to the Bronx today for my senior year — EEK. I'm sad it's almost over, excited to see how my life goes, sad to see summer end, excited to have friends, sad to leave Andrew and have him travel to Atlanta, and a little nervous about how this year is going to go.

But! Whether you're traveling six hours (or more!) to school like me, or if you're looking for a mix of songs to keep you interested through late summer/early fall, this is perfection.

Listen on Spotify!

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I'm a Dot-Com!

Last week I registered the domain "kelseyodorczyk.com"! Now, instead of going to behinddoor6.wordpress.com, you can just type my name and there I will be.

It's the little things.

How To Pack For College

Get ready for a long and extensive post....

On Friday I'm loading up my parents' car and heading back to the Bronx for one last year. My first year, I had no idea what I was bringing. I showed up and my mom had to immediately mail me things I needed. And then had to bring even more things every time they visited.

My sophomore year I had it together a little better, but I still ended up with way too many clothes and not enough of what I needed. Junior year I got into my swing and really started developing my own personal style and I've finally come to know what kinds of things I need, and what I don't.

So, after a lot of planning and cleaning and sorting and list-making and list-editing, I finally compiled my first comprehensive college packing list.



For Clothes and Accessories, I've learned to keep it relatively simple and basic, especially when I first move in in the fall. A combination of light sweaters, jeans, shorts and button downs are perfect for transitioning, as well as a blazer and a vest, for when it gets a little chillier. And a rain jacket and wellies. Because nothing is worse than being unprepared for rain. Or hurricanes.

I usually go home around Columbus Day, so I don't need a lot of my winter jackets and riding boots. A pair of basic flats and a shorter pair of boots are my go-to's, as well as a pair of sandals that I can wear with anything.

Regarding accessories, I have a large Longchamp Le Pliage that I use for my books and for work, and then a clutch that I can carry my keys and ID around in. For nights when I go out and don't want to lug a huge bag, I also have a cross body bag. That way, I can just sling it over my shoulder and toss in some cash, my ID and maybe some lipstick and be off for the evening.



Admittedly, I have a lot of toiletries. It's always a challenge to fit them all when I have to pack to come home, but these are the things I typically use on a daily basis. I swear by Dove shampoo and conditioners, as well as It's a 10! leave in conditioner. I swear it saved my hair. Not to mention, all of the makeup I've been acquiring since I started to grow my collection.



Electronics are pretty self-explainatory for college. A phone, a computer that can handle four (or more) years of heavy use, and chargers are essential. Until this year, all of my roommates have brought a printer that they are more than happy sharing, so long as I pitch in for ink and paper. I did get one this year from Target for super cheap.

In regards to a TV and fridge, I've always split them with my roommate. My freshman year, I brought a mini fridge and my roommate brought a TV, and we just shared both. Now that I don't need a mini fridge, my sister can take mine to school for her and her roommate.



I'm pretty basic when it comes to school supplies shopping. I get one folder and one notebook for each class, and then a few pens and some highlighters. One thing that I do think is really essential is a planner. In high school I'd always throw mine out after the first day, but in college it's something I can't live without. I write down all of my assignments and appointments and it keeps me organized when everything starts getting frazzled.

One thing I totally forgot about packing freshman year was a stapler. It just wasn't on my radar ass essential, but after a week or so, professors started getting annoyed with my unstapled papers.

Another one of my school supplies lists can be found here!



Storage is key. Most dorms and apartments are small. My freshman year I had my mom ship me extra hanging shelves and they have been lifesavers. And the plastic drawers? I couldn't live without them. When a room only comes with a desk, a closet and a dresser, extra space is essential. I've also had this over the bed storage unit since sophomore year and it is amazing.

I've had a rug since sophomore year that has seen so much nonsense and is still in great shape. Every summer I give it a good vacuum and shampoo and it's good as new. It's best to get a pretty neutral color though, so it doesn't show as much dirt throughout the year.

Also, how perfect is that Kate Spade bedding? I'm very seriously considering ordering it for when I graduate and have a big girl apartment.

I'm sure dorm shopping varies from person to person, but these are the important things I remembered. I'm no expert and I'm definitely still learning but this should help anyone struggling to get ready.

Wrapping Up the Magic Summer

I wrote a while back about magic summers and how I thought this summer was one. And I was right. Between the nights spent with friends and my excitement for things to come, this summer was happy and silly and all-around perfect. And I never saw it coming.

I had one hell of a junior year. And then I came home and instantly busied myself. I swore this summer would be one where I just worked nonstop, hardly saw my friends, and would be extremely left out. But that wasn't the case. At all.

The friends that were home made the summer amazing. Every time we were together we were appreciative of each other's company and just had an amazing time. Maybe these people were my escape from stressful days at work and confusion about my future. My friends at home are my family. I grew up with them and I will always love them. They were there for me to make me laugh every time we were together and have deep and meaningful conversations when we were feeling contemplative.

I learned a ton about myself this summer and I think I matured. I'm nervous to be a senior, nervous to be a real person, but I'm also excited. I'm so happy we had this summer, especially knowing that after this year we will all be going our separate ways. I love them all and I'm so lucky to have had this time with them.

Image courtesy of my great friend Erin

A Few Words on Confidence

I am not a very confident person. It has been a major issue throughout my life, stemming from anxiety about being the 'wrong' kind of person. While I have taken steps to work on myself and have started forcing myself into uncomfortable situations by faking confidence, something my dad said to me one night really stuck with me.

I made a joke about how I am (almost) 21 years old, and I still need to text my mom frequently to make sure my outfits are okay. My dad laughed, but then told me, "You really need to be more confident. Either that, or learn to just not care." I laughed for a second but since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Similar to my realizations with the Supposed To's, it got me wondering what I really worried about. I don't really care what other people think, but I really do want to get everything right. But then, what's right? What's right for one person might not be what's right for someone else, so should I even be worried at all?

I'm an extremely anxious person and I worry about most things. I realize that there's no set path for me, and there's no rules for how or who I'm supposed to be. It's confusing and stressful, but that's part of the point. If we all followed the same path, we wouldn't figure out  who we're supposed to be. Which is what I keep telling myself.

So if I can't be confident, I can at least fake it and not care what anyone else thinks. I'm forging my path and becoming myself, and I think that's something to be proud of, not self conscious of.

Straying From 'Supposed To's'

This morning on Carly's blog she wrote about her experience with the "Supposed Tos," and something about it really resonated with me. For a long, long time, I followed the Supposed Tos, because that's how I felt I needed to live in order to be successful. If I wanted to be a writer, I was Supposed To go to New York and get a job at one of the major magazine publishers. I'm Supposed To have that wild college experience people are always talking about. I'm supposed to live in New York City after I graduate and work at an impressive company that everyone's heard of. I'm Supposed To be an athlete and be involved on campus.

But after the rough year I had last year, and a lot of just general soul-searching, I've started moving away from the Supposed To's that have been set forward before me, and just thinking about what I want. I don't want to work at a huge company, feeling like I'm just on a magazine production line with a hundred other robots. I want to work somewhere where I can be creative and work hard and really be a part of something I love. And I don't have to do that in New York. That was a huge  realization for me. Knowing that I can go anywhere I want and be successful was kind of a huge weight off of my shoulders.

Another big Supposed To was the whole college-experience thing. For the first few years at school, I couldn't figure out why I was so miserable and why I didn't really fit in with my team. Then I realized that they were looking for a college experience I just really wasn't comfortable with. As soon as I broke away from them and found friends who weren't looking to get blackout every weekend, I was much happier.

It's easy to follow the Supposed To's, especially while you're young and confused about what you're doing and where you're going. But I have a clear idea in my head of the woman I want to be, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be her. I'm okay with breaking the "rules" so long as they fit in with my values and help me to get where I want to be.

Alex + Ani Experience

Alex and Ani started to be a big thing at Fordham last fall, and while the bangles piqued my interest, I never bought any. I always felt like they were the kind of meaningful things that should be gifted, so that they'll remind me of whoever gave them to me.

So, after months of hinting to my mom that I'd like to receive one every time we drove past the store, she gave in.

On Sunday we went in and spent an unnecessary amount of time in the store choosing the right pieces for Bridget and myself.
Ultimately, she ended up getting us matching "Path of Life" bangles, and then let us choose another. I chose a silver beaded wrap, and Pidge got a feather.

What I love about the bangles are the meaning behind them. The Path of Life is totally relevant to everything happening in my life right now, and it's nice to have a constant reminder on my wrist that my mom believes in me, and that everything will work out in the end.

I also love that Bridget and I have matching ones. They act like the friendship bracelets she won't let us get...

Don't they go so well with my "love life, be brave" cuff??

To be completely honest, though, I wouldn't add more than one more to the stack. Too much dangling and clinking gets to me. But I do love how the little stack I have looks.

Rag & Bone Harrow Boot

I'm still in summer mode and I really don't want to start thinking about fall...but these Rag & Bone Harrow boots are hard to ignore.



I first saw them in a post on tumblr a few weeks ago, but kind of breezed by, unwilling to admit that summer is almost over. But last weekend when I was in New York I saw someone actually wearing them. I can't get them out of my head. They are seriously perfect.

Rag & Bone is usually a little edgier than I dress, but these boots are just equestrian enough to work in my wardrobe. If only I had the funds for these beauties.

 

We've Reached a Decision

As you know, the past few months have been full of stressful and petrifying life decisions. I have placed my post-graduate life in Andrew's hands while he chooses where to go to school in the fall. And I think he finally made a choice. It's scary, and frightening, but the more I think about it, the more okay with it I become.

Andrew is going to Atlanta.

I was raised in Upstate New York and I go to school in the city. I'm a city girl through and through. I love public transportation and busy streets and a cafe on every corner. I love taxis and hip bars and restaurants. Atlanta was never where I saw myself.

But the more I think about it and read about it and talk with people, I realize that Atlanta is not "the south" like I think of it. It's not a plantation and a farm, it's not hillbillies, it's not the little house on the prairie. It's a city, and a really young one, at that.

And then the more I think of it, the better it feels. I hate winter, and winter in Atlanta is so much more mild than New York winters. I hate the busy, dirty, touristy parts of New York, and love the cute little neighborhoods. That's Atlanta.

What's been hardest is wrapping my brain around the fact that New York is not the be-all, end-all. There is life outside of New York. People exist outside of there and are actually successful. People are happy in other places. I can be happy in other places.

I also keep telling myself that nothing has to be permanent. Of course I love Andrew and I am more than willing to have this adventure with him, but I know that if I'm miserable when he graduates, we can move. Graduating from college doesn't mean I have to settle down and start acting like my mom. I can hop all over the country if I want.

What's more is that I won't have to take this journey alone. I'll always have Andrew by my side, and that's what's really helping me through this. Knowing that at the end of this year I'll embark on a really crazy adventure with my best friend is really an amazing thing. Not to mention, who doesn't want a really wild and adventurous post-graduate life? My favorite stories are my dads from when he was traveling, living in Nashville and doing things that were so un dad-like before I was born.

So this fall, when Andrew drives down to Atlanta and starts this wild adventure, I will be nervous, of course. I'll be terrified. But I know he'll be with me every step of the way, and that my family will never be more than a phone call away.

Life will always be a scary adventure, so taking a few risks can't really hurt, right?

Quick NYC Trip

Friday morning, my dad and I woke up early to set off to New York. We jammed a twin bed in the back of our car and zipped down to the city so I could start moving into my apartment. Even though it's just a little two-bedroom in the Bronx, starting to see everything coming together was seriously so exciting.


I also had my first Ikea experience Saturday morning. Unfortunately, there are no Ikeas in Upstate New York. The closest one is in Toronto! (Yes, it's the one with the infamous Stylish Monkey. That I'm still laughing at). My dad and I went buck wild in there. Initially, we were just looking for a kitchen table for Kaitie and I, but an hour later and we came out with bag full of other knick-knacks and a strong urge to go back later. But how adorable is the little table we ended up getting??


I can't wait to come back in a few weeks and see everything all set up!

Netflix Must-See: Orange Is The New Black

A few months ago I finished Season 5 of Gossip Girl on Netflix, and felt a void. I took an entire semester to watch all five seasons and, until they put up Season 6, I had nothing left to watch.

I quickly stole borrowed a friend's HBO GO password and watched both seasons of Girls in a week. And then all two and a half seasons of Arrested Development, plus the fourth season, once it came out. And then I just kind of stopped Netflix-ing.

However, last weekend, my mom mentioned Orange Is The New Black to me. She said that Netflix had just uploaded an entire season and that she watched the first few episodes and really liked them. So I gave it a shot.

Five episodes later, I'm hooked. It has all the drama of Gossip Girl, with the prison humor of Arrested Development and the...nudity of Girls. But it's really good.

It basically follows the journey of one typical, suburban woman, Piper Chapman, who's post-college adventures finally catch up with her as she's sentenced to 15 months in jail. What's great about it is that it not only shows her struggles in prison, but also the backstories of her prison mates.

So if you don't have it in your Instant-Que already, add Orange Is The New Black. Because it's a total must-watch.

Happy Birthday Andrew!

Today is my boyfriend, Andrew's birthday. He's old and turning 22 but he deserves a whole birthday post to himself.

Andrew and I started dating three years ago. He has kept me grounded when I let me emotions get out of hand, and he lightens the mood when I get too tightly wound. We've been through a ton together, including three years of long distance love, and with more to come. Nevertheless, Andrew is my best friend and my partner in crime and really do love him a lot.

Happy Birthday Andrew! Have an amazing day! Xoxo

Blogging Community

I've heard a million amazing things about the blogging community, and how amazing it is to be able to connect with people all over and make amazing friends. Aside from wanting to be able to write and vent, the blogging community is one of the major things that attracted me to blogging.

The past few weeks, with Andrew deciding where he's going to school in the fall have been... stressful. There's nothing I hate more than not being able to plan out my future and know exactly where I will be when I graduate.

But I have been able to reassure myself in a lot of ways. Talking to my parents and to Andrew has helped a ton. It's not easy to talk about the future when there's so much uncertainty, but knowing that I'm not alone and that I have their support is super helpful.

Recently I've also been drawn to blogs to help me out. There was a little aha moment when I was looking through my feed one morning, and every single post I read really spoke to me. Long distance relationships, people moving to the same city Andrew (and I!) will go to, even just some really comforting words of wisdom.

I even reached out to one blogger and she was totally sweet and helpful when she replied. It was so nice to talk to someone only a few steps ahead of me who is still alive and functioning. I'm still nervous and still anxious but it's nice to know there are people out there that I can talk to and that I'm not the only one.

I might actually be a little teensy bit excited.

Kate Spade Surprise Sale!!

Nothing brightens my morning like an email from Kate Spade announcing another 75% off Surprise Sale. And this one is good. 



Eat Cake For Breakfast Terry - I've always loved this bag from Kate, and it's always exciting when it comes back. This bag would make the perfect tote, especially because it's big enough to hold all of my things, especially when I'm running around all day.



Varick Street Abbie - Even though I'm looking for a more neutral colored bag, it's hard to resist this gorgeous navy bag. With a top handle and a cross-body strap, it would be absolutely perfect.



New Bond Street Florence - Boom. Sold. This color is amazing, the shape is gorgeous, and the hardware is so flawless. Mom, I know you read this: My birthday is coming up ;) !



Cobble Hill Bee - I'm also in the market for a wristlet, and this one, with its pebbled leather, is perfect.



Lawrenceville Zipper - Another wristlet, and this one has the prettiest bow. Sold.

Mira Dress - Ah, the LND. (Little Navy Dress). So elegant and so classic.

Birds Georgette Dress - I'm all for soft and comfy looking shirt dresses, and this one is perfection. It can dress up or down and it just looks so soft.

If only I had unlimited funds...

Hopping On the Laura Mercier Bandwagon

I have been updating my makeup bag for the past few months, slowly but surely. I added concealer, lipstick and brushes, and Sunday I finally splurged on tinted moisturizer.

I have heard a million and one great things about Laura Mercier's tinted moisturizer. I'm definitely not a foundation kind of girl. For a while I was content with concealer and that's it. But when my sister went to Sephora for a full birthday consultation, I broke down and made the investment.

And it's amazing. It perfectly smooths my skin without making it feel gross and oily or cakey. It unifies my skin tone while still allowing my natural cheek flus to pop through, and it's a super easy application. It was definitely on the expensive end of the spectrum, but the quality is amazing and I know one tube will last me a really long time.

Happy Birthday Bridgie!

 

Today is my little sister's 18th birthday! After a wonderful week at the beach, it will be nice to stay home and celebrate with her.

Even though Bridge is three years younger than I am, we really have gotten closer as we've grown up. We are very different. While I wear my emotions on my sleeve, Bridget is very level-headed. She has an amazing talent for doing quick math and computing numbers in her head, something I will never be able to do. She was also an amazing softball player and pitcher until a few weeks ago.



Bridgie and I are best friends. We grew up together and know each other better than anyone else. I'm so excited for her to go to college and to grow up and be who she is.

Happy Birthday Pidge!

Beach Week

As I type this, I am, sadly, on my way back from the beach in Maryland. After three full months of working and interning, the week of complete relaxation was absolutely what I needed. I spent as much time on the beach and in the ocean as possible and it felt great. I always forget how happy it makes me to be at the beach. The sounds, the smells, the sun. I couldn't have asked for more.



The week also was wonderful for Andrew and I. I was nervous for him to come down with my family for an entire week from which he could not escape, but it was actually very wonderful. When we wanted to do different things, we did. And when we were together, we were happy.



I also got a little chance to shop on one of the rainy days...how perfect is this Kate Spade ring?



I also found these heels at the J. Crew Factory store, and I am in love. I'm having trouble not buying them.

Now, I am done working full time so I can devote the last month of summer to finishing my current internship and looking for another for fall, as well as mentally preparing to be a senior.