I had been meaning to meet up with JG and Caroline for weeks now, and Friday night I finally texted them to get dinner and margaritas after work. I knew I probably wouldn't have any other time to see them before the end of the semester, and we had been craving the goat cheese and chorizo quesadillas at El Centro for months.
I had the best time. JG and Caroline have been like my pseudo-moms for years. While we did talk about them and their lives at dinner, they also talked to me about things in my life, listened to my problems and gave me some really wonderful advice. And we laughed. A lot.
And something weird happened. Though I reached out to them and planned this casual dinner myself, my sometimes-friends all got pretty offended and jealous. Which I thought was pretty funny, considering they have been leaving me out of the loop for months now.
Regardless, I needed that time with my "moms." Whenever I'm having a rough time, I can always always always call them up and count on them making me feel better.
Saturday night was my ex-friend's birthday party. Shockingly, I was invited, and I planned on doing the friendly thing and going. However, the one friend I was really counting on to come with me and get me through it was out of town for the weekend. I was in a panic all week.
Saturday night though, I sucked it up and went with a few of my roommates. We got dressed up, bought some Lime-a-ritas and went to the party for around an hour. And we had a good time. After spending all week dreading feeling like an outsider, it was a pleasant surprise to have enjoyed myself.
Long story short here is that I have found that I am happiest when I feel that I am in control of my own happiness. When I depend on others to make plans and reach out, I feel miserable. But now that I have been putting myself out there and making plans and doing what makes me happy, I have felt significantly happier.
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