Scary Future Thoughts

Like anyone else my age, I am in the full swing of senior-year panic and an identity crisis all rolled into one. Being only one short yaer away from graduating from college and becoming a real person, the pressure is on to decide what and who I want to be.

At this point, I don't know what I want to do. I have had four internships and multiple other jobs and nothing has attracted me enough to choose it as a career path for the rest of my life. However, all of these experiences have led me to realize exactly what it is that I don't want to do.

I don't want to do anything with business or sales. The constant cold-calling and spreadsheet-updating and money-evaluating doesn't do it for me. The corporate environment is not one that suits me. I need a smaller company, one where I am not broken down into statistics each day and evaluated simply based upon schedule adherence and professionalism.

I need a profession with a lot of options. Having one job fuction isn't enough. Being able to do multiple things and wear several different hats in the workplace is something that appeals to me. Being able to write and design and plan and organize would suit me much better than simply being one in an assembly line of many. Flexibility and the opportunity to express myself is something that is important to me, and many jobs I have held in the past have stifled this. I want to be able to wear what I want (within reason) and take my lunch when and where I want, and set up my desk how I want. (Yes, I have had jobs where you are not allowed to do things like plug in your phone, or decorate your desk).

And finally, I don't want to drive. Despite having waited forever to turn sixteen and get my liscence, time has told me that driving is not for me. Sitting in traffic for up to an hour each way to work slowly sucks my soul. I would much rather pack myself into a subway car with 200 other people every morning for twenty minutes than drive alone in a car for over two hours each day.

I might not have it all figured out yet. I still don't know what I want to do or where I want to go or who I want to be. I'm hoping that I will figure it out along the way, and if not, I'll figure it out eventually.

So here's to embarking on the last year at school ever and to starting to grow up.

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Being Self Sufficient

One thing my parents made clear many summers ago was that if I wanted spending money while at school, I would be responsible for coming up with it on my own. As a result, I haven been working all summer, every summer, since I turned 16.

Freshman year I had barely enough money to last until Christmas break. Last year, I made it to the end of March. Both times, my parents gladly loaned me money and I paid them back as soon as I started working for the summer. However, this year, I've made it to the end.

I was very stingy last summer, hardly spending money and putting as much into my savings as I could. I worked at Hollister over my winter and spring breaks, and carefully budgeted my funds all year. This is the first year I won't have to ask them to help me out until the end of the year and I am beyond proud of myself. I have had more than enough to have fun with my friends and support my excessive shopping habit.

I even have a full time summer job lined up for when I get home. I'm really proud of myself for being responsible and self-sufficient, and it gives me hope that when I do graduate in a year, I'll be able to be a fully functioning member of society.

Or as close to that as a person like me can get.