Confidence Project

Before I was blessed with Wifi in my apartment, I spent a lot of time reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I had heard a lot of things about how great this book was, but I was hesitant to pick up a "self-help" type book.

However, Gretchen's style was friendly and like something I would write, rather than being filled with useless research and preachiness. I was hooked. Just reading the book made me feel happier and more confident, and I've been inspired to start my own type of "confidence" project. And that's how my Confidence Commandments were born:

1. Reach out to one friend/make plans at least once a week

I am terrible with making plans. It gives me so much anxiety for no reason. But The Happiness Project, and countless research suggests that interaction with other people is absolutely essential to being happy. Plus, every time I make plans with someone, its an instant happiness and confidence boost.

2. Act the way I want to feel

There's a little wisdom in faking it until you make it. Acting confident actually helps me feel confident and the faster I get that through my head, the easier confidence will come.

3. Flip negative comments and ideas into positive ones

I easily get sucked into negative thoughts and bad gossip. It's a terrible habit and something I'd love to change. Instead of saying, "I'm terrible, I can't," I'm trying to flip it to "I can't right now, but here's how I can."

4. Research something that interests me 

I'm a real sucker for googling things. And listening to iTunes U podcasts on different subjects. So my goal is to start learning about things that interest me. There's no more putting things off. I will invest my time and learn about things that I want to.

5. Save money, but reward myself

I got a paid internship (yay!) and I can't wait to be able to save money for post grad life. But I also think it's important to reward myself from time to time. Like after I was offered my job, I ordered a pair of Jack Rogers that I had been holding off on for years. Balance.

6. Take time to relax

As much as I love being busy and productive, I really do need to decompress and relax from time to time. Similarly, I want to start stretching more often. It makes me feel so much more relaxed and calm.

So, here's my project. I just want to work on myself and work through the confidence issues I have. I want to be successful and confident and a fully functioning adult.

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No Apologies

In between episodes of Tara this weekend, I spent a lot of time on the Internet and on Tumblr and I stumbled upon this post. I'm trying to really be myself and love myself and this post just really made sense to me. I should be able to like something if I want. I should be able to dislike something if I want. It's who I am and I should never have to apologize for expressing myself. So there's that.

A Few Words on Confidence

I am not a very confident person. It has been a major issue throughout my life, stemming from anxiety about being the 'wrong' kind of person. While I have taken steps to work on myself and have started forcing myself into uncomfortable situations by faking confidence, something my dad said to me one night really stuck with me.

I made a joke about how I am (almost) 21 years old, and I still need to text my mom frequently to make sure my outfits are okay. My dad laughed, but then told me, "You really need to be more confident. Either that, or learn to just not care." I laughed for a second but since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Similar to my realizations with the Supposed To's, it got me wondering what I really worried about. I don't really care what other people think, but I really do want to get everything right. But then, what's right? What's right for one person might not be what's right for someone else, so should I even be worried at all?

I'm an extremely anxious person and I worry about most things. I realize that there's no set path for me, and there's no rules for how or who I'm supposed to be. It's confusing and stressful, but that's part of the point. If we all followed the same path, we wouldn't figure out  who we're supposed to be. Which is what I keep telling myself.

So if I can't be confident, I can at least fake it and not care what anyone else thinks. I'm forging my path and becoming myself, and I think that's something to be proud of, not self conscious of.