Perfectionism

 

I am a control freak and a perfectionist and everything else that comes with being wound super-tight. I like to have everything planned out to the minute detail as far ahead as possible. So when things stop following my plan, or when something is beyond my control, it gets hard to deal.

 

My goal for fall semester is to have a paid internship. Not only would I like to have a constant income flow, but I have interned for nothing for four semesters now, and as someone with a notable amount of experience, I'd like to be compensated.

 

Since May, I have been accumulating a list of companies I would be interested in working for that pay their interns. Last month, I started sending out my resumes and applying. I recently had an interview with a place I would actully like to work at. Although the interview didn't go bad, it didn't go as well as I would have wanted.

 

I finished the phone call feeling unsure and dissatisfied. I feel...frustrated with myself for not being able to absolutely dazzle the interviewer and land the internship right away. Which is totally unrealistic. That kind of thing never happens and I know it. But that's what I wanted, and knowing that I didn't do it and that I still don't know what I'm doing in the fall (which isn't even a huge deal- its only June and a lot of places don't start accepting people until late July) really stresses me out.

 

I know I set unrealiztic goals which cause me to feel frustrated and defeated when I don't meet them, but isn't it better to be unrealistically ambitious than to be unmotivated? So here I am, entering the first of what I'm sure will become many struggles with finding employment.

 

Welcome to Senior Year?

 

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Good Moods

After a few weeks filled with miserable rain and even more miserable days at work, the sun has finally started shining and work has finally started getting better. My productivity is through the roof and I just feel good.

Every morning I have to drag myself out of bed, but lately, as soon as I wash my face I start to perk right up. I get inspired to actually make myself a good breakfast and pack my lunch. When I walked outside the sun was shining and bright and the sunlight on the lake was absolutely gorgeous.

I recently downloaded a few songs and as I blasted them on my way to work, they did wonders for my mood. I practically skip into my jail of a workplace and all day I felt like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

When summer rolls around it absolutely brightens my mood. Although I work inside and far from windows, just knowing that the sun is outside waiting for me makes me happy. It makes me look forward to the weekend and all the summer things I can do then -- swimming, beaching, margarita-ing. It makes being miserable at my job almost bearable.

And it will make my vacation in 5 weeks much, much sweeter.

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Scary Future Thoughts

Like anyone else my age, I am in the full swing of senior-year panic and an identity crisis all rolled into one. Being only one short yaer away from graduating from college and becoming a real person, the pressure is on to decide what and who I want to be.

At this point, I don't know what I want to do. I have had four internships and multiple other jobs and nothing has attracted me enough to choose it as a career path for the rest of my life. However, all of these experiences have led me to realize exactly what it is that I don't want to do.

I don't want to do anything with business or sales. The constant cold-calling and spreadsheet-updating and money-evaluating doesn't do it for me. The corporate environment is not one that suits me. I need a smaller company, one where I am not broken down into statistics each day and evaluated simply based upon schedule adherence and professionalism.

I need a profession with a lot of options. Having one job fuction isn't enough. Being able to do multiple things and wear several different hats in the workplace is something that appeals to me. Being able to write and design and plan and organize would suit me much better than simply being one in an assembly line of many. Flexibility and the opportunity to express myself is something that is important to me, and many jobs I have held in the past have stifled this. I want to be able to wear what I want (within reason) and take my lunch when and where I want, and set up my desk how I want. (Yes, I have had jobs where you are not allowed to do things like plug in your phone, or decorate your desk).

And finally, I don't want to drive. Despite having waited forever to turn sixteen and get my liscence, time has told me that driving is not for me. Sitting in traffic for up to an hour each way to work slowly sucks my soul. I would much rather pack myself into a subway car with 200 other people every morning for twenty minutes than drive alone in a car for over two hours each day.

I might not have it all figured out yet. I still don't know what I want to do or where I want to go or who I want to be. I'm hoping that I will figure it out along the way, and if not, I'll figure it out eventually.

So here's to embarking on the last year at school ever and to starting to grow up.

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All I Want...

I have been shopping for a navy and white striped t-shirt dress for months now. And my search had been unfruitful until last weekend when I found the most perfect dress at the Banana Republic Factory Store. It was the perfect pattern with the perfect colors and the petite size fit me perfectly. And it was on sale!

Or so I thought. When I saw the display, it said that the dresses were 30% off the original price of $49.40, which would make it about $35. But when I went to cash out, the dress was full price. When I asked the cashier why it wasn't on sale, she explained that the promotion only applied to the misses sizes. Not petites. WHAT!?

I obviously handed the dress to the cashier and declared that I no longer wanted it. How can a store do that?!

I also may have sent a harshly worded email to customer care.

And thus, my search for the perfect and perfectly affordable navy and white t-shirt dress continues.

Update: After sending a super sassy email to Banana Republic Customer Service, they are sending me a gidt card for $15 -- the difference between the full and discounted price. Looks like a trip to the outlets is in order.

The Warby Parker Experience

I have been dying for new glasses for years now. The last pair I got was a pair of kids' Coach glasses my junior year of high school. So, after my yearly exam my mom finally agreed it was time for a new pair. And I knew exactly which pair I wanted.

Enter: Warby Parker.

I have been window shopping their site for months now, ever since I heard about what an amazing comapny they are. First of all, when you buy a pair of their glasses, they give a pair to a child in need, as well as work to train doctors in developing countries. That way, not only can the less fortunate have affordable glasses so that they can learn and work, but doctors are trained, creating jobs and the ability to provide glasses into the future. Like TOMS, but without putting local entrepenuers out of business.

These glasses are also super affordable. At $95 a pair (perscription included) I couldn't say no. Not to mention how stylish they are. I ended up with the Ainsworth, which are big enough to be in style, but not so big and bulky that I feel like I'm trying too hard.

And they have the most amazing customer service. They have a Home Try On feature, where you select five frames to be sent to you at no cost, and you have five days to try them on and then send them back. Since the closest store to me is in New York City, this option was a godsend. Instead of ordering blindly (pun intended) I could actually try on a few pairs and pick the ones I wanted to order.

Also, when I tweeted about my glasses, Warby Parker tweeted me back. Always a plus.

Their showroom is also absolutely gorgeous. I'm dying to drop in the next time I'm in the city.

Busy Busy Busy

I'm so sorry for being so MIA for the past...month. I gave this blog a break after the class ended in order to give myself time to relax and focus on some other thigns I have going on.
 
For one, less than a week after I moved back to Rochester, I started working full time as a summer temp with a company back home. I have been here every weekday from 8 until 5. Lame, I know. But I need as much money as possible for my last year at school.
 
Second, I have been interning remotely for Lovelyish.com. You can read my posts here. I write around two hours after work every night, which limits my free time even more. But believe me, it's making me a better writer and I'm trying really hard to squeeze these posts in here and there.
 
I also started a new muscle building plan. Since I quit cheering I was really missing having tough fitness sessions, and my once ripped muscles were turning to mush. I found this plan and have been following it for the past few weeks. It helps me burn off some stress as well as gives me a structured plan to follow, which I love.
 
I have also been making time to see my friends from high school before they all go their separate ways this summer, as well as spend as much time with Andrew and I can, before he gets a job or I move back to school.
 
Between working, interning and trying my hardest to be social, I have had very few moments to stop and take a breath. I have been plugging along so diligently that on monday i slept until 1:30 pm.
 
Although I have been busy, I don't mind it. I prefer being busy and always having something to do or get done to being idle and bored. I feel a great deal of fulfillment when I work long hours and get tons of things done in one day. I know it's probably unhealthy, but I gauge the successfulness of each day based upon how many different tasks or activities I can complete. As a result, being able to work, work out, intern and be social makes me feel very productive and accomplished.
 
This will not be my most relaxing summer, but it is my last summer break ever (YIKES X1000). I'm soaking up my opportunities to have a menial job and still be foolish and irresponsible with my friends on weeknights and still manage to crawl into work the next day. I'm sure I'll have another crash soon and end up sleeping all day, but as it stands, I am very satisfied with my busy life at this point.

 

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